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i have horrible timing for posts, yes indeed, but srsly this is the only time i'm awake - so there
2013-02-24 04:49:57 by Gunshy
Hey, I wrote this book, The Autobiography of Jesus X: a novel and it's not what you think.
In a brand new 'With Teeth' Edition - fully-restored - all 584 glorious pages, 6 x 9 paperback, 10pt font. Ships in 3-5 business days. Part sci-fi, part exposé, part memoir, and part stand-up comedy routine, the narrator pretty much frames it as His last message to humanity. So you better listen. Cuz it's not what you think. Unless you think everything is wrong. Imagine if Kurt Vonnegut and Hunter S. Thompson collaborated on a new version of The Bible, and you get the gist. It's just a big fucking joke. With teeth.
The Autobiography of Jesus X: a novel is not for the faint of heart, and is guaranteed to enlighten, incite laughter, and offend indiscriminately. Take political correctness and shove it. Nothing is sacred, and no holds are barred.
When one thinks of Jesus, it's easy to picture a mystical, magic man. But portrayed in detail in Jesus X is the unknown human side: ecstasy and depression, trial and error, success and regret. Here is the boy that J once was, losing his virginity to a witching foreigner; and the man and prophet he became, a cynical dreadlocked pothead. But the narrator is the god he once was, now retired. After this one incarnation as a human, he quit. As God, he had become indifferent. As a tall black Jewish man with deep blue eyes and a red beard in the Roman Empire, he proved to be too smart for his own good. Or maybe just too human.
He was an opium addict, and a drug dealer. He's pro-choice, and pro-gay marriage. After attempting suicide he became a prophet, stopping his own mother's execution - on charges of prostitution. Mother and son celebrated her freedom with sex, and she was healed of her MS. After Jesus dies, his ghost confers with his best friend, Lucifer, about how these disclosures might be received by his believers worldwide. Satan already knows about the book, of course. In the finale, the Holy Ghost tests and tempts his former self, showing the human Jesus some of the futures of his own suicidal legacy. He even places his former self right in the middle of the World Trade Center during the terrorist attacks of September 11th, 2001. He goes there.
And actually, that's at the end. Oops.
A while ago, I went ahead and also made a Facebook Page for JX (as I call it, ooh) so if you're still giving up our privacy or tending a farm on there, you should subscribe because I really don't do anything on there except post funny pictures that make fun of religious people.
The book costs $20.01 plus shipping. Not bad.