I quit that Hollywood job I had right before the strike!

Mall security's the thing, now. Getting my SORA again soon. They've promoted me twice in 3 weeks even without it. Apparently, my sunny disposition, cavalier nature, management and incident command experience, having worked security at a refinery with federal port status (with the ability to pass a federal background check), and the almost 20 years in EMS in one of the most violent cities in the country made me a perfect fit!

The thing is: I'm good at it, I think/hope. I'm nosy, I don't trust anybody, and everywhere I go I just want everyone to stay safe and have fun. And that's the job! I consider myself extremely lucky.

How've y'all been?

Well hey there, party people! How'd y'all get in my room?

How've ya been, Newgrounds? It's been a minute.

Me? I sold a screenplay and I work for Hollywood now, of course. That's how it works. I was trying everything at a point - music, novels, graphic art, and finally screenplays. They're big and sad, of course, just like my music!

So, for almost a decade now, I've told myself I'd get back to music when I could rent some real studio space. And in the middle of it the studio spaces became our own homes. The technology caught up with the groundwork that I like to think I helped lay right here on Newgrounds, along with thousands of other amazing artists.

I've gotten a lot of fan mail over the years from people who said my music and the entire Newgrounds experience made a huge difference in their lives. We were connected. We'll always be connected here.

How come I don't make more music myself, like I used to? Well, screaming was taking a terrible toll on my voice, my songwriting speed was starting to slow down, my hands were cramping, and just when I probably should have been making music videos, I lost all my hair. Right as YouTube took off. You feel me?

I think it's kinda hilarious. I can leave this old world with a satisfied mind about it, at any rate. My music helped people survive. That's the highest compliment an artist can get.

Here are my books on Amazon.

Thanks.

Ah, where to begin?

Since it's the music that probably brought you here, let's start with my Soundcloud page. It's all the songs you can hear on Newgrounds and oh so much more. Enjoy.

Here's my revamped Facebook fan page. It was two pages, and now it's one! Booyah!

If you're an avid reader, it might interest you to know I'm also an author. So here's all my books on Amazon, available for Kindle and in physical book form what you read with your physical eyes. Crazy, I know!

I miss this place, I'm not here nearly as often enough as I should be. Newgrounds gave me the initial confidence to do most of the things I've done in the last 10 years, almost 15. It's been a great roller coaster of a decade. But as they say, "Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans."

Hope you are okay. If you're not, that's okay too. Just hang in there if you can.

And remember to PLAY IT LOUD!

https://soundcloud.com/rossallaire

Check it out! It's fuckin' everything! 

And if you want to, visit these other fine links!

Also my musician Facebook page, where all are welcome.

The Ross Allaire Facebook Fan Page, which is in dire need of likes!

Me on Twitter! Where I try to be funny! Really!

And here on Amazon, all the wacky books I've written. Take a chance!

Gunshy Army on Facebook

Gunshy Army on ReverbNation

Ross Allaire Fan Page on Facebook - And there's a joke with the URL which only Newgrounds people will understand. I just like how it sounds, at this point. Sorts out the riff-raff.

Ross Allaire Amazon Books

Ross Allaire Lulu Spotlight

Life Is A Temp Position - What would you do if you seemed to be immortal? How would you spend all that time? And would you ever write a memoir? The narrator of Life Is A Temp Position says he's tried seven times before. He says he's almost a thousand years old, and still doesn't know how or why he's immortal. And it doesn't matter. He's one of the richest people in the world. The true top 1%. Or so he thinks. Eric has seen things that most people don't know were ever even there. He used to be the Black Knight, of Arthurian Legend. In the mid-1600s he helped kill the last two Thunderbirds – or dragons – in North America. He was treated like a living god in El Dorado before the arrival of Spanish conquistadors. He's known as something of a demon in the criminal underworld. But the façade of a man in control disintegrates as he comes to terms with his own identity, and those of the other immortals he finds. And battles. And loves.

The Autobiography of Jesus X - It's not what you think. Unless you think everything is wrong. Imagine if Kurt Vonnegut and Hunter Thompson collaborated on a new version of The Bible, and you kinda get the gist. The Autobiography of Jesus X is not for the faint of heart! Here is the prophet: a cynical, dreadlocked pothead crackpot who's done all sorts of despicable things. For which He wonders if forgiveness is possible. Because now he is a only a ghost of the God he once was - now retired. After this one incarnation as a human being on Earth, he quit. As God, he had become indifferent. But as a tall black Jew with blue eyes and red hair in the Roman Empire, he proved to be too smart for his own good. Or maybe just too human. He tried to quit. The Autobiography of Jesus X is either the new Bible or the most offensive book ever written, or both. Maybe neither. This is part sci-fi/fantasy, part exposé memoir, and part stand-up comedy. He pretty much frames it as His last message to humanity. So we might want to listen. Or read. Or whatever.

Godlings - Four teenage mass-murderers are having the time of their lives, and no one seems to be stopping them. Whether lucky or holy, they don't know or even care. They feel like punk godlings, on a homicidal road trip up and around the Northeast Corridor in the mid-1990s. It's suicide. The narrator, Stephen, chronicles their "wicked sojourn" as if his life depended on it. And it just might. He exorcises his thoughts and demons onto the page with reckless abandon, carrying a torch for his compatriots in their quest for more and more murder. They drive, then party, critique, and kill. They've already gotten away with the crime of the century--inciting a riot in their high school lunchroom and killing dozens--so just what do they think they're doing gallivanting around like this? Bobbing and weaving around Pennsyltucky is one thing. But downtown Philly? How could this happen? And how will it end? In Godlings, find out what makes these kids tick, or if they even tick at all. 

[+RA]

Hey, folks. Thought I'd update y'all after that oh-so deppressing previous post. Oh, things still suck here, don't you worry, but I think we're rounding the curve. I hope so. We all hope so. Regardless of the timeless struggle of hope versus despair, everybody try to keep your fingers crossed or pray to the Flying Spaghetti Monster for peace and mercy. May Odin bless us all, and all that. I am way too into the Vikings show, I'll tell you what.

So, springtime means updated links to all my things! And stuff!

Gunshy Army on Facebook, where every once in a while I post something music-related! 

My personal fan page on Facebook, where I'll theoretically post links to live shows, whatever and wherever they may be. 

Did you know I'm a writer? Check this out. Here's my latest book, Life Is A Temp Position, about a guy who's 700 years old and isn't quite sure why. Also, all my books are available on iTunes, so if you do that, do it! 

Tweet me @RossAllaire if you're into that, too! I know I am. 

It still bums me out that Amazon stopped their music service.

I'm still unemployed, but somewhat ironically I'll be trying my hand at stand-up comedy soon, with any luck. Wish me luck! 

[+G]

P.S.: I have no idea who the Ealy's are. I should really crop that part out. Besides, I like Ross from Friends.

Okay. So, you know me as Gunshy and Gunshy Army is of course going swimmingly.

Not really. 

I have like 7 or 8 songs, a few missing huge chunks. My voice blows. My guitar needs work. My computer's dying. I'm lacking focus, direction, and a job. Things are bad, kids. I'm optimistic, of course, but things are just really bad right now. 

Some passages from my (still) newest book, in case you'd like to prevent me from more or less starving:

I'm kind of amazed that any impact can be made at all by one person or another, except for procreation or destruction. Whole armies' worth of workers or slaves will toil and die for decades or whole centuries just to build something that might outlive each of them tenfold, but with enough premeditation it only takes one person one second to destroy that same thing. By that token, it's a wonder there is such a thing as society at all.

At an upscale bank in Berlin, I was awarded a plaque as Employee of the Month on the same day I embezzled half a million marks. Then I got it again the next month when I demonstrated how they could streamline the business, saving the company twice that amount. The boss wanted to introduce me to one of his daughters.
Soon after, I cleaned out the vault, quit, set fire to the building, and peed on the ashes while dressed as a firefighter. I had plundered and destroyed a castle that stood at that same spot three hundred years before it was ever a bank.

[Helen] cleared her throat. "There is another shell-shaped weapon, an orange one, in a private mansion in the former Czechoslovakia. You'll need to retrieve it. You will use that one to retrieve another shell, one which is far more powerful than any other."
She blew some air out of her cheeks and put her hands into a ball in front of her, then expanded the ball like a mushroom cloud. She waited for my eyes to return from her lap to her face. Then she said, "The orange one is a Fire Sword. The one in Antarctica is white."
My hand made a sort of presenting motion as she said the name of the dark continent. The true dark continent. Here's where I come in, I thought, schlepping to the underside of the world to get a bomb.
Helen told me the capabilities of The Flash Bang, as she called it. The whole solar system could be destroyed by a little white mussel shell if that's what one wished. It could also kill individual species of living organisms.
I asked about the animals, like could it get rid of snakes in Hawaii or cats in Australia?
She said she didn't know. She guessed so.

And you can read the first FOUR chapters on Scribd! 

Available for EVERYONE ON EARTH @ Amazon (in paperback), Payhip, and iTunes! 

Also feel free to follow me on Twitter @RossAllaire just be-fucking-cause. But be prepared for shit like that. 

So, how's it going?

Hmmmm. Have you tried switching up your diet?

Heard any good music around? (Couldn't have been mine.) 

Read any good books lately?  No? 

Here. Try one of my books. Please? You could try to read my first one, Godlings, about four teenage mass-murderers on a road trip around Philadelphia, Pennsylvania and New Jersey. Yeah. That was my first one. Four kids on a wicked homicidal sojourn, and one of them keeps a journal of the trip. I'll re-write it eventually, I think. 

Or if you kinda hate organized religion like I do, maybe you should try The Autobiography of Jesus X. There's something for everyone in there, featuring a six-foot-tall red-haired and blue-eyed version of Jesus (named Yeshua Tzion) who smokes a lot of weed, fucks some bitches, and gets killed for saying a bunch of crazy shit. Also the entity known as God retells the story of the universe's creation. And it's, y'know, evolution. Because it was evolution. Also Yeshua tries to kill himself. After being saved, he's sent to 9/11. It's been called "mind-bending" and "long" by the few people who've ever read it.

But if long, science-fiction/fantasy (and/or suburban gothic) is your thing, you should definitely give Life Is A Temp Position a try. It's about an immortal man who doesn't know or care why he's immortal. But he finds out anyway, because of course he does. The plot demands it. The truth of why and how he's maintained his youthful appearance for 700 years scares the shit out of him, as it probably would any of us if we were in his shoes. Other than that, the book basically just makes fun of Greek mythological characters and blood libel conspiracies by showing them in a comedica and dramatic magical realism sort of way. And then make fun of them some more. 

Thanks, in advance.

[+G]

Here's the link to my new book Life Is A Temp Position in paperback. Like as an actual book! Here is the link to it for Kindle on Amazon.uk and for epub (Apple) on Lulu.com. Matter of fact, here's all my books on Kindle, including the lyrics book/poetry collection reVISION. It's in the middle of updating, so keep checking back for Life Is A Temp Position and the updated collection Eighteen Pieces, currently listed as Ten Pieces. All the prices will drop to astounding new lows over the next few days because fuck it. The avenues for me selling my music for free are rapidly diminishing. 

Gunshy Army on Facebook

My Page on Facebook

Life Is A Temp Position on Facebook

The Autobiography of Jesus X: a novel on Facebook

The Autobiography of Jesus X: a novel is also re-available at Lulu.com in paperback!

And if, by all that is unholy, you are still on Myspace, Gunshy Army is too. 

What? Five fucking months since my last post? Outrageous.

So anyway, I still have these several songs rattling around in my head. Some of them are only half-formed. All of them would benefit from a different singer. But I'd have to sing it first so you'd know wtf to sing. Interested?

It might motivate me to try to finish some of this shit. Finish what I've started, here.

I'm probably just out of fucks to give. But I'm also in love.

The newest song is really cool, that's why that one's taking so long. I also kept hyping up to myself this whole new-found sound. And some of that spirit will inevitably remain. It's just...

Two things would make my job as singer/songwriter easier:

1) an e-kit and actually using a keyboard

2) a band

3) selling a book or screenplay

4) all of those things

[+G]

www.lulu.com/spotlight/rossallaire

facebook.com/RossIsNotGunshy

p.s.: Skrillex new shit